On belonging and connection
In inclusion there are many paradoxical truths.
For example, to focus on creating equity for Women of Colour means that we turn all our attention, resources, time and money on closing the equity gap for Women of Colour and Women of Colour only; to create inclusion may mean that we exclude.
In inclusion we talk about belonging and connection, and whilst it is important for those in positions of power and privilege to create belonging and connection for those that have been historically and currently excluded and stripped of basic human rights, the paradoxical truth is that for them to do so is in fact an exercise or use of their power and privilege.
For people like me, expecting them to create belonging and connection, whilst it is an expectation of demonstration of good allyship, is disempowering as at times as it feels like I am handing my power over and/or being disempowered (stripped of my power); that people are making decisions for me and on my behalf on what belonging and connection 'should' look like for me and how I 'should' experience it ...and often without consent (or in corporate speak, consultation).
Personally, I've been pondering on belonging and connection a lot. I've struggled with belonging and connection my whole life.
Whilst I have a better sense of it now what I know for sure is that in order to feel like I belong in any space or feel connected to others, I must first feel like I belong in my own body and feel connected to myself.
From this place, no one and no space can ever make me feel like I don't belong and or dictate the conditions of belonging and connection for me. No one has that right or has amount of power over my body and my spirit and neither will I allow them. I will not allow anyone or any space to strip me of my power, my ability to influence and dictate who I am and therefore how I feel and show up in the world.
Belonging and connection starts with me and me only. From here I can create it for others.
We cannot give to others what we do not have and if we do not experience it ourselves, we don't know what we are creating for others.
So yes, whilst inclusion practitioners like myself, leaders and those in positions of power and privilege are responsible for cultivating and nurturing an organisational culture of belonging and connection, ultimately they cannot make you or I feel a sense of belonging and connection.
And ultimately (without extensive consultation, having experts to guide them and creating a human-centred approach), to do so would be a misuse of power and privilege.
To create belonging and connection for others, it starts with you.
You cannot create and give what you do not have.
In case you missed it:
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