Are your expectations hurting you?

For 35 years, I believed my mum didn’t love me.

Well, love me as much as she loved my siblings. 

I assumed my brother was her favourite. 

I expected her to see, hear, value, validate, admire, and approve of me. 

That expectation almost destroyed me fueling years of severe depression, anxiety, trauma and a massive mental breakdown.

Then one moment changed everything. 

When my sister had her baby, my mum shared how she had overheard my brother whisper to my nephew that the first born is always the most special and will always has a special place in our hearts. 

A kind of reassurance to say, hey, even though theres a new baby in town, we still love you. 

My mum said that when she overheard that, she was actually thinking of me (I am the first born). She went on to say, "It's true. The first born is always the most special"...

She and her looked at each other in the eyes, both full of tears and love. I felt the impact of those words deep in my heart. 

In that single moment, decades of pain instantly disappeared.

Then an AHA moment slapped me over the head. 

I realised I wasted over 35 years feeling unnecessary pain that was based in false expectations and false assumptions. 

I also realised something bigger: it was never her job to fill my needs. That was mine.

At work we do the same thing, we expect our leaders, managers, or organisations to give us engagement, fulfillment, recognition, belonging, connection, purpose, meaning and the list goes on. 

But when we outsource our power, we stay stuck and we stay powerless. 

Backing yourself means taking responsibility for your own needs.
Agency and autonomy are the ultimate sources of employee engagement and therefore performance and innovation. 

Stop waiting for others to hand you what you already have the power to create.

If you want a team that takes ownership of their engagement and motivation instead of waiting for leaders to “fix it”, please send me an email about bringing this keynote/workshop/leadership program into your organisation. I'd love to help.

One life. All in.